I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
