There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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