Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
