I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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