I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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