at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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