Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she told me i tasted like america
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
