but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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