The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
