fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
