what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the condom got lost in my hair
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
