i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
