you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
