So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
