she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
