His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
