So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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