Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
