Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
