I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize