fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
