where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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