I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
