I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
