I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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