I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
