i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
