This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
