dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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