just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
