I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
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You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
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Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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