Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
