She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
