I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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