the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
