idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
