This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
