I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
