Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
