Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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