Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize