Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
