Sry I called you an 8
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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