Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
