if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
