My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
