How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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