i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Terrible idea I love it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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