Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
