sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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