All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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