You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We had to coat check the pizza.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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