my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
