I have demons in me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
