Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
