at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
