I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
