My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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