I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
