Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
