what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
please come you make the beer taste better
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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