Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
