Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
