She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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