This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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