It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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