life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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