Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
