My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
