Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
