Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
