I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
