Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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