is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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