I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
