ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
another moral hangover. fuck.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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