he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
